Archive | January 2010

Did i say i was going to give up bread? No no no no, i meant Salmon, yeah that’s it.

*sigh* this is not easy to do especially since i never really paid attention to how many food i love have bread involved. Or how many things that the kids eat involve bread or something bread like. It’s painful and cruel that’s what it is.

At least i am not in this alone. M has joined the company gym and he gets a year free if he quits smoking, so bonus there because i cannot stand the smell of cigarette smoke. So we can say that there has not been a lot of “coloring” since he took smoking up last year. Ick-o. In any case, M has decided to join the gym and get healthier as well, which makes my giving bread up a lot easier. Although eating healthier and better means the food bill just went up $300. I always have bought only organic, but mostly the kids and I ate the veggies and fruit, now M is all about it and it is out of control. I cannot wait for our local Farmer’ s Market to be back in full swing.

Oh wait they have a bread section, right next to the veggies. This may explain why i buy so many veggies i have no idea what to do with. Good gravy i love bread.

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Wait what?

My sister and I spend a lot of time going “I’m fatter” “No, no I’M fatter”, typical stuff for siblings, right? Well when my sister got a call from the people making a bridesmaid dress for her for her brother in law’s wedding in May and they said that they can;t make one that big, it was time to sit down and take stock. I’m not to the point where i can’t shop in a store and find something that fits, but then again the only thing i have bought myself to wear in the last 6 years has been maternity or elastic waistbands, so quite possibly now that i will not be having any more babies (SOB) I might need to think about it. My sister and I decided that we needed to get on the scale and take stock of where exactly in Fat Land we lived. Turns out we both wanted to dive from the nearest rooftop. Holy Cow! I am (cannot believe i will be admitting this on the web, but you all don’t judge right?) 100 pounds from where i started 4 babies ago. Wow! That is a lot and what is more annoying, nursing each 10lber for a year has taken none of it off!

My sister is taller than and is a little heavier, but it equals to about the same. At this point we took stock of what we needed to do. My sister needs someone to help her and well suffer with her when she diets and i don’t need that, but i need to make changes that are not just for a diet, they need to be for a lifestyle. I can’t just diet because then i will just go nuts the second that last ounce is lost. I have to be honest about it, i am just not going to be able to change that. Fortunately, or not however you look at it, i am not a big chocolate eater or sweets person. However, i have an ongoing love affair with bread. I could wrap myself in dough and live the rest of my days in yeasty goodness. Man i love bread. So my sister and i decided that to start we would each give up two things. My two were bread and fast food. Working the mid shift it is too easy to just get the family meal ready and then because i don’t red meat, alot of times i am left grabbing something on the way in. I take full blame for this.

I need to make life style changes and not just diet, that doesn’t work for me. Now that my baby will be a year old, i won’t have nursing as an “excuse” to eat extra calories. I need to cut the snacks out and eat smaller portions, all those things you are supposed to as an adult know to do, yet don’t. I will get there, but i am not very excited about it. Have i mentioned my LOVE of bread? I need to cut that out though, i have seen my future and i just couldn’t take widening the doors in our house because i can;t put a slice of bread down. Well at least i don’t think i could.

We are going to weigh ourselves each week and keep a food journal that we e-mail each other every night. i think this will keep me more honest than anything. If i write everything down, it will be easier to cut down on grazing over the boys leftovers because i really don’t need them. My sister says she is lucky in that aspect because she has seen how her daughter “loves” on food and wants nothing to do with it when she is done with it. My boys don’t do this, but then again i guess that is a good thing.

What happened here?

Since Christmas my oldest son J has been seriously angry. I don’t understand what has happened to my sweet, helpful little boy who i could count on to help out with his buddy, little D? I have no idea what happened over the holiday season, it wasn’t like he didn’t get every gift he asked for and then some. He was very sick over the holidays and his brothers were as well. We can blame the public school germs for that. I just don’t get it though as he is all better, but really really angry lately.

So it pains me to say that i have had to resort to having him write sentences for each of the things that he knows better than to do. I know, what has the world come to? I can’t think though of anything else to do though since we don’t allow candy, restrict T.V. as it is and he could give or take that, really don’t allow video games maybe some occasionally Wii time with daddy and there are no toys in their bedrooms. There isn’t a lot to do to the kid. I don’t want the punishments to be only spanking because one day all of them will be bigger and stronger then i am and i can’t condone just constantly swatting a child (especially when you are trying to teach them not to hit!). So sentences it is for him and my four year old that is writing at the same level as my first grader. I am telling you what is the world coming to??? Punishment is so hard, but i am determined that the kids will respect me when they are older, it will be the only way i have any control over them. It certainly worked for my dad. My dad knows how easy he has it now. I never drank, tried drugs, stayed out late but a couple times, had a steady boyfriend so i never had the whole swinging door policy, never really mouthed off much. I mean it was like i was a nun! It never really crossed my mind to do any of those things and the friends that i had and still have were great influences on me and never did those things either (or at least i don’t think that they did). I was heavily involved in competing in the horse world and involved in band and i really believe that those helped keep my focus on the things i wanted out of life instead the things i could do to myself to alter my life. I look back now and see what great opportunities i had and took advantage of. While i am not in my dream job, sometimes those great opportunities afford you a detour that you didn’t plan as being a part of your life (i.e. i never planned to get married and have kids) so you have to change your goals. My goals are still there in the background and while there are a few changes, i hope that my kids have that same focus and drive that i did to not try those things that will set you off track. I worry about my boys and worry about the future for them. I just hope that this anger is the only thing i have to worry about and that i learn to handle it in a way that they will take something from.

Back to Work

Sometimes it feels so wrong to complain about my lack of desire to go to work when so many people are out of work. I am so lucky to have a full time job and health insurance. Of course my job has decided to remind all of us that we are indeed fortunate to be working and in February about 10% of us will be laid off. It sucks and i am so tired of being stressed that either M or I will lose our jobs. I have lost a lot of good friends lately in the field as my company works at sucking the souls and life right out of people. Is it really feasible that one person cover the whole state and be the only person say on one coast that knows about a certain piece of equipment? Don’t forget to cut back on that overtime because that doesn’t help the overhead. *sigh* It is getting really tough out there.

Do you make resolutions for the New Year?

I have to be honest when it comes to New Year’s Eve, I can be honest I just don’t see the hype. I don’t see the purpose in “ringing” in the New Year and making promises that i should already be incorporating into my everyday life. That being said while i did stay up to watch the clocks turn over to the New Year, hold me back THAT was exciting, I did make a few promises to myself. I am going to share those with you in the hopes that maybe i can be held accountable for these.

I promise to eat healthier. I can’t diet and i can’t promise to work out every day, i just can’t. Yes, there is time in the day no matter who you are in which you can fit 20 minutes of working out in. That being said, the person who said that did not work the night shift and have four child all day, in which only one of them is in school. Show me a person on my schedule that works out and i will show you a certified crazy person. I live my life and i can’t verify that i am sane.

I promise that i will not lose my temper as often as i think that i do. I will remember that the boys are young and curious and i do not want them to react in situations of stress like i do. I am making great progress in this one as my two year old has taken it to task to try my patience every single second he is awake.

I promise to suck it up and open my etsy shop with stuff in it to sell. Sink or swim and it is time to just jump in. We couldn’t be any further in debt then we already are and we have to start digging our way out.

I promise to not buy so many things that i do not need and remember that we do have a lot of medical debt that needs to be paid off before mommy gets her 6th Christmas tree (i know, sad right?)

There they are a few things that i would like to work on for this year. I hope that you all had a great time watching the clock switch over and that money rained from the sky onto your head, because it certainly didn’t over here.