Well i am sure that after yesterday’s post full of fun and laughter that you are simply excited to come back and read another post. Not to worry, i am not at the brink of divorce just yet. Sometimes i have to let it all out and when the only person that feel like you can discuss this with is the source of it, that just doesn’t always work. It is important that if we do work things out that the people we hang out with and are around alot don’t judge him and treat him differently. It is important to me, right now, that people don’t look down on him. I am not angry, maybe i haven’t reached that stage yet. I am just hurt and sad. It is all encompassing right now and sometimes sends me into a weird place, i am fortunate that i am not suffering Postpartum Depression on top of this. I really struggle daily with this and really feel like there aren’t a lot of places i can turn to talk about this. So i needed to let some of this off on the internet, trust me i would never want to burden anyone with this. Right now my main concern would be the boys and their life. I will deal with me later or not at all. I mean after all that is how i was raised, put it in a box and store it. Emotions are for wimps!
It is times like this that i miss riding and my horses with a physical ache that nothing can take the place of. Anything major that happened in my life before, i always took to the barn and my horses. The people there and just the amount of work needing to be done always helped me. The barn has since moved and changed, the kids are long gone and grown leaving a new set of rich and less hard-working ones and my horses have died and i just have been out for 5 years and don’t have a feel for any of the ones there. It helps center me though and bring peace to my mind.