Life with…

I hope all of you are enjoying the Ultimate Blog party being hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom, don’t forget it is going on until March 27th, so there is still time to go on over and participate and have some fun with everyone!

Ultimate Blog Party 2009

One of the most frequent questions i get asked is how we manage to raise 4 children and keep our sanity, mostly the question is phrased towards just me and how i manage my sanity, but really i believe that M should be included in this as well. We don’t have the normal family life with our work schedule. We had originally made the choice that day care was not something that we wanted for the kids. I say we, but maybe it was more me than M. I always felt that we had the children and i couldn’t see having someone else witness their firsts and being there for moments in their life that may seem insignificant to others, but to me were precious. I have no doubt that the parents that rely on day care have to and in a perfect world motherhood/fatherhood would be considered a full time paying job. However, society today does not allow for this and as parents you have to do what works best for your situation.

In our house M and i work different shifts and the kids always have a parent around. This seems like an ideal situation, but it is not an ideal situation if you want to have any sort of a relationship with your spouse. You literally never see the other person unless someone wants to lose sleep and since i was the one working nights and being pregnant and/or nursing that was never the case.

It also means that you are parenting 4 kids on your own when you are the one at home. We had very little parenting together days. This does really cause some crossed paths and things do tend to fall through the cracks. You really rely on your partner to share in your philosophy of parenting and really have to be on the same page as far as discipline and follow through.

Managing sanity is a whole other ball of wax. A lot of days your day is the same. You have virtually no personal time, no time with your spouse, just the two of you and have to deal with so many things on your own. You have to be a strong person to make this work i believe. Is it worth it? Of course it is, as i see it the kids are in each phase of their lives for a brief time. There are days that having to potty train, change two sets of diapers, nurse a baby, deal with school work and a 5 year old that is going through his teenage mouthy years a little early gets to you. It can really wear on you and really wear on your relationship. You have to have faith that your partner is feeling the same and going through a lot of the same feelings you are. Eventually you will get time for yourselves as the kids get older and do more on their own. However, if your marriage is in any way not solid then this schedule will show you and problems will ensue. I am not saying that my relationship is perfect and it has come to light that it is anything but. I never thought that i would have to deal with half of the problems that we are having now. It does go to show that i have been in mom mode for years and have virtually missed a lot of what has been going on with M.

Can i share it with you? No, not yet. Too many of you know is personally and i don’t know that i am ready to say it out loud just yet. I still have my doubts that it will work out as well. This person that i married has become someone else and there are things that once you take them away you can never truly get them back. We have 4 kids however, and we are working on this for them as well as us. At least i am because somedays i have no idea who this person is that i married.

Would i recommend our schedule to others? Sure, it is not a bad schedule. I wouldn’t recommend it though if you don’t trust your partner 100% although sometimes even if you do you can be surprised.

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