I think that it is easy to get stuck in the daily schedule of life. I think that often mothers get the most stuck in the rut. I think all the cooking, cleaning, child raising, errand running, deliveries, shopping, etc makes it hard to find time to spend doing things that we enjoy. In looking back over the last year, especially after this recent bout of illness that has come through and flattened our household, I have had a chance to see that i really just floated through most days. Did i even really enjoy most of the year? I don’t know, i think it was a symphony of the same. I made plans, broke plans, stayed in the house a lot, didn’t explore some of the things i wanted to. I have vowed to make this year a little bit better in terms of following through with things.
M and i want to do some things together and explore some different activities as a family. I need to get off my ass and get a little more motivated about things. I tend to let myself get lulled staying in the house. I do love to stay in the house and be a home body, but then again i do like to do different things out of the house. Kind of an oxmoron i know, but i need to spend more time getting out of the house. M likes to go out and do things and i think that this year we will make it a point to get out and spend time travelling back home (to M’s home) that is. Family is important to him and because of this last illness he missed out on seeing friends and family at Christmas.
With the new baby coming and since M is pretty adament that this is it, it will be easier to plan some things into the future. I personally don’t want to be done. However, i enjoy being married and M is definitely done with babies. It does make me sad. However, this is going to get my focus back on getting my body out of baby making mode and maybe into a bit more of a form. Although potato is a form, but it seems that i am always either pregnant or nursing one and then pregnant again. Most of you know this takes a definite toll on one’s shape. I miss riding and showing horses and i plan on getting back into that so i will need to get into shape to do that again.
So i have done quite a bit of reflecting on the past year and while i thought it was incredibly hard on us, it did help me see that i need to get more motivated and focused in my life. I am getting older, not younger and i am just not spending my days going in the right direction. I am like a leaf floating in the water with no direction and i do have specific directions and goals i want to acheive. I had planned on being in the Olympics, that is still an obtainable goal, not in the next four years, but it is still something i can acheive. Now that we are done having kids it is time to focus on spending time with them and having fun with them. I spend so much of my time tired and stressed out, i am missing all the important years. Maybe that is why i keep having kids, maybe i am hoping to remember their childhoods. Thank goodness for pictures because they seem to grow SO fast!