Archive | December 2008

Every year (Christmas take 2)

Every year i have such great intentions of getting out the 500+ Christmas cards in time, baking cookies, breads, etc for the 50+ people that we can’t afford to give gifts to and to decorate the house in Martha Stewart type fashion while on a K-Mart like budget. Every year i fail miserably and declare that next year will be the year! What actually winds up happening is i barely get out cards to family, i bake cookies and then get really really tired of all the 7-9 minute intervals in which to get anything else done in so I stop short of actually filling a plate,  and keep having children that inevitably each year view the decorations as something to be conquered.  So yup that’s me i suck at getting these things done.

But it isn’t that i don’t love those of you i know personally and that read this blog, it’s all been done this year (in my head 🙂 )


Christmas is a-coming

whether i am ready or not. I am happy to say that all the shopping is done and now we move onto the traditional stalemate on who will wrap the mountain of gifts in our closet. My husband and i like to play this every year and most years i lose because i am a true sucker and cannot stand to keep looking at the bags and bags of gifts that should be pretty and wrapped! I do make him wrap for his own family though, i figure if i have to be the one to trudge out and pick out gifts for his family when mostly i feel i would be better off throwing money in the air then he can wrap the blasted things! I will never understand how he feels that since i am female i should automatically know what all the female figures in his family will like. I am batting 0% over here people on giving gifts that i believe that they have kept. Although to be fair they don’t buy things for me that i want either.

Why is it that i have an Amazon list that details all the things that i want and interests i have and then they come back and say, but i didn’t want to get you something off that list, i wanted to get you something that you would like. Huh? So the books and crafts that i really want you opted to forgo in favor of the folk art that i go blind looking at every time. I see… It’s a battle of wills people.

Also my husband and i set a limit for the amount that we spend on the kids, i think it is $75 each. I say i think because he buys exactly $75 worth and then i am supposed to do the shopping for the little things for the stockings. Only i cannot ever resist buying other things because 1) they absolutely NEED this or 2) we didn’t get them enough or 3) really $75? Cheap ass. In hind site his way is the better way because i wind up bankrupting myself and then having to explain how it is that we have 9 million gifts under the tree and he only bought 4 for each boy? You would think though after 5 years he would catch on. I do the same thing with his gift. We set a limit for how much to spend on each other and it is normally set by me because he is surprisingly easy to shop for and i wind up having his gifts bought in June. Of course then Christmas time rolls around and oooohh he needs this or that i HAVE to buy it for him. So i of course again go over the limit. He just thinks that i am inately gifted in finding deals. ppphft if only.

Let’s all be thankful i am not in charge of the household finances.

Since yes i am pregnant again…

I thought it would be fun to revisit a post that still holds very true. I have changed the years, but it all remains the same.

Things I have done while pregnant/nursing

5 03 2007

Many of these things i am not proud of, but i have nonetheless decided to share them for the world to see.

* Put my car keys in the freezer and locked myself out of the house.

* Put my kids dirty clothes in the trash and the garbage in the washing machine. Laughed about it with my dad. Then ran the wash with the trash in it 4 hours later because i thought i had moved the clothes and trash around.

* Made a dinner that i was convinced looked yummy, tasted it, hated it, threw it out and when M came home told him to eat out of the trash.

* Put diapers on backwards

* Poured milk into M’s cup of soda and handed it to him. Oblivious to the fact that he had a look of horror on his face.

* Turned the A/C on in the winter because i was having a major rush of hormones and thought i would spontaneously combust

* Forgotten where i parked the car (this happens SO very often), called someone to come get me, only to find that i came to the store with M and he had no clue where i had gone. (no it is not strange that i would call someone other than my husband to get me as he works during the day and when his days off change every two months i cannot keep up)

* Gone to work in my pajamas (many, many times)

* Worn two different shoes because i haven’t seen my feet in five years ( I am assured that they are still there)

* Driven to my parents house, knocked on the door and went in chattering about something, only to find weird new family that we sold the house to years ago looking at me like they were going to call someone to get me.

* Cried at the site of a line in the grocery store (not my fault, i was tired and the baby was hungry)

* Become a human sprinkler when my boys decided that they could hold out longer than three hours before eating again.

* Grossed M out with various milk shots, sad to say that after feeding three boys for a year each i am really good at hitting things.

* Slept through M’s family christmas

* Worn maternity clothes for five straight years.

* Planted what i thought were bulbs in the garden and come to find out they were the pieces to my son’s toy set.

* Fallen asleep on the toilet (not while doing anything!)

* Fallen asleep standing up.

* Been unable to remember my own name or my husband’s name for that matter.

* Not had a period for five and a half years. (Ok i am kinda happy about that one)

* Gone to the grocery store four times in one day and still not remembered to buy milk. For the love of god it is a staple!

* Put the indoor cat outside. Her look of terror and M’s look of confusion reminded me in time to save her from the cat eating birds that live in the yard

* Made no less than 1,205,550 trips to the bathroom to pee

* Can no longer go into a doctors office without having to pee in a cup, doesn’t matter if it is my general doctor or the pediatrician.

* Wiped countless noses

* Been infected with viruses that there are no names or cures for all because my children are carriers

* Drank milk from a baby bottle because it was the only clean dish in the house

* Covered my living room floor and sofas with blankets and towels because my kids were apparently allergic to the site of a white carpet and would vomit on it at any given moment (ok they have reflux, but i like this theory better)

* Spent more money in visits to the pediatrician than we did on our whole 500 guest wedding

* Eaten an entire pie and then dinner because after all i am eating for two!

* Been repulsed at the smell of peanut butter the only thing J will eat for lunch and dry heave my way through every lunch now.

* Refused to take anymore baths because FAT FLOATS!

* Written street names on the stretch marks on my stomach because i knew i wouldn’t lose that!

* Been unable to go to the bathroom alone for five years, but still cannot pee if my husband is ANYWHERE around.

* Watched my boobs grow and shrink to the point that i cannot find a bra to fit me right. I would be better off glueing cabbage leaves to my chest. They cradle and lift!

* Loved every minute that my boys have been in my life. I couldn’t imagine my life (or body) without them.

Ok i have shared mine with you, now it is your turn to share. What are some of the funny/off the wall things that you have done while pregnant or nursing?

Insomnia anyone?

Is there anything better than working nights, parenting 3 kids and then having the inability to sleep for the few hours a day you can while 29 weeks pregnant (although the doctors are leaning more towards 31 weeks pregnant, baby is HUGE people)? Nope? I agree. The littlest things keep me up or wake me. My youngest has learned that screaming “Mama” at an ear piercing volume will reward him with said mama just to hush him up so that he doesn’t wake his potty training (i.e. stop crapping in your pants) brother. And while i love my youngest dearly after 10 minutes of sleep, i do not love his cute face quite as much at those moments. I would leave him in his crib, but i assure you his calls for me do not lessen and can be heard by the neighbors. But hey he has gotten his nap so all’s good, right?


I cannot be the only parent going through this. I know i am not, maybe i am just a little more obsessed about it since it involves oh my child’s health. (Ok not to say that you are in any way not worried about your child’s health. Crap let’s just start over shall we????) In any case, all of my children have reflux and i am not in any way expecting the newest addition to be without this delightful shitastic ailment. It truly sucks, folks. All of my kids have started off on medicine to preserve their mother’s sanity control the reflux and in the case of #2 and #3, two forms of said liquid gold have been prescribed. Now before i get e-mails about dosing my kids randomly or did i know for a fact that they did have reflux, let me say yes…a resounding YES!I know for an absolute fact after a gazillion dollars spent in testing that ALL of my children have reflux and only after the tests did i put them on the medicine. For #2 as he got older his got a little worse for some unknown reason and only after #3 came along with the almighty worst reflux any doctor or surgeon had ever seen, thereby leading them to put him on two forms of eleventy billion dollar medicines to help him live through the day and changing everything in my diet to accommedate him did a light go off that hey #2 would benefit from two of these meds as well. YEAH break out the second mortgage to pay for the medicine because wow while insurance covers some, it is only 60% people. At $211 for each prescription (before insurance pays up) and we get four of them EVERY friggin’ month! I would seriously invest in these companies if i wasn’t already handing over my salary every month. Thank the lord we are almost to the point the #2 only needs 1 of these meds now, just in time for #4 to come along and fill the void!

OK anyway, random and totally down a different road there. In any case, J was born with reflux and we were able to wean him off the medicine at just shy of his second birthday and keep him off with a special diet that all of the kids are on. I spent months researching and talking to nutritionists and doctors about it, fine tuning and finally they just smacked me in the head and i realized that really the things that trigger the reflux the most once they start eatting what others eat were the very things i wanted them to avoid. Trust me it was a real light bulb moment. I can only blame being pregnant again with #2 as the reason my brain worked at less than normal function. So yeah, no more meds and yeah he likes eating all of this organic, low sugar, no fried and no high fructose corn syrup anything foods. Go me!

Then i send him to Kindergarten and in 5 months i have had to speak to his teacher a gazillion times about the candy she keeps giving him DAILY people! Oh and you are denying it? Well how funny you should mention that since you keep a website up so we can see photos from our children’s day and oh look there he is eating a candy bar oh and what is that you suddenly remember that day? I sure hope so lady because i would hate to think i am sending my kid to school to a teacherless classroom although i am not sure you are all there when you are there.  She has managed to almost completely undo 3 years of diet and now J is back on the road to being put back on reflux meds. He has had more sugar and crap in 5 months then he has had in his whole life (ok probably not, but close people). I am flabbergasted at the amount of candy and crap being pushed onto kids in the classrooms as treats or rewards or just what seems like plain bribs to like me sort of thing. What do parents of kids with diabetes do? Do they face these same problems? I feel like i have to stick a note to my kids head, because the teacher seriously has problems remembering that what she is giving my son is making him VERY sick. How do you explain to a child that he is throwing up because his teacher gave him candy? It’s pissing me off and i am just getting SO frustrated telling his scatterbrained first year Kindergarten teacher that if she gives him one more sugary treat she can pay for the prescription because it is her fault he needs it now.

Sidenote: i know, i know that teachers are tremendously overworked and need easy things to do with the kids and whatnot, but i have NUMEROUS times offered to supply her with stickers and small toys for treats and also to provide low-sugar healthy treats for the whole class whenever she wants if she would stop giving my kid candy! I am at wits end people. I have another meeting with her next week to discuss J’s progress and whatnot and i am serious about possibly tattooing do not give my kid sugar on her body.

Men + Mouths = Asshat

I would just like it noted that i deserve some sort of award for not killing/maiming or inflicting any physical harm on my co-worker for his comment of  “You should just try eating less and you wouldn’t look so round”. The second the words left his mouth the other guys on the floor turned tail and left while i singled out the heaviest object that i could lift and still claim “accident” for after it fell on his head.

But i didn’t because i had to pee. Dammit.

Oh yeah!

I was looking at the appearance of my blog and realized that there are NO pictures of our third ball of terror fun. I won’t deny it, i neglect this blog for other things, mainly peeing because right now my bladder is apparently the MOST FASCINATING thing near my womb and must be prodded at ALL TIMES. This is of course is 95% of the time and the other 5% is spent making my belly do its own dance, thereby freaking anyone out near me. I have gotten so big that i look like i should be heading to the hospital at any moment and begging for the teenager to be removed before he starts driving. However, i am only in my 7th month and for the record i have been showing since i swear the minute of conception. My body is horrible like that. My doctor spouts about having three big ass babies prior to this little ginormous bundle of joy and something about the muscles relaxing, hate to break to ya doc, they have never been in any other state taunt or flexed, jsut relaxed since the first kid.

I am reduced to sitting in the horrible made to be erogonomic but are really just forms of torture chairs at work in two positions. It looks like i am going to have to stop sitting in one of the positions because my co-workers hover around me with a wading pool and a look of fear that this is the moment that my water will break and please dear god why didn’t i call in sick tonight instead of having to be here dealing with ginormous pregnant lady. To be fair they have done this with all of my pregnancies and bought the wading pool as a gag with my first pregnancy, but i know it wasn’t a gag because 1)  I am the only female on the night shift and 2) no one wanted to clean up if my water broke ( i sure as hell wasn’t).  They also drew straws to see who would be taking me to the hospital, it really warms your heart to see the terror on the short straw guys face. I think he called in sick the whole last month of my pregnancy. Wuss.

With all that being said and having nothing to do AT ALL with my opening statement, i will leave you with some pictures of the boys to prove, yep there are three of them so far. However, the older ones aren’t too pleased that mommy is adding to the household.

It is scary how cute they are and how much they have grown. *sniff*