Do you ever have one of those days in which you feel like you are a complete and utter failure as a parent? I feel like that more often than not. Today though for some reason, i just felt like all i did was yell at the boys. I hate myself for that and i feel like i am driving them away from me. It helps too that DH says that i yell too much.
The guilt is overwhelming and no amount of coddling is going to help. Why do i do this? I am not normally an angry person. Really i am not.
I think that the lack of personal time may be getting to me. I know that the lack of exercise is definitely a big factor in my attitude. I am a person that likes to be doing things, like walking, running, riding horses, throwing bales of hay, etc. To not have been able to do any of this is causing all my extra energy to come out as rage. I am not necessarily angry for real, but more like i am looking for a way to release the energy i have. It is NO excuse.
But if i do not start doing something about it, my kids will seriously never come near me again. Or they will call me Yelling mommy. Nice, but not who i want to be.