I am not sure if i mentioned this or not, but J is speech delayed. He is 4 1/2 years old now and in preschool, but is still not anywhere close to speaking like he should.

As a parent, as a mother, I spend a lot of time questioning what i could of done differently. What did i do wrong? How can i fix this so that he grows up to be a normal boy that no one picks on?

I don’t want to change him, but i want to make things easier for him. Truth be told i never feel like i do enough for him. I don’t feel like i am working with him enough. Because truth be told it is just easier to let him continue on like he is.

I feel like a failure. I feel like it is my fault for not helping him.

Truth is, I am human.

Don’t get me wrong we have done the speech therapists for years and enrolled him into preschool early to help him with communication. We got him the surgery that helped him to hear normally. We have done things, i am not completely ignoring the issue hoping it will go away.

A part of me though, wishes, hopes that it will. That he will wake up and everyone will be able to understand what he is saying. That he will talk around other people, including his father and not just me. That he will not have to be singled out for therapy while in Kindergarten.

Because kids are cruel. And kids pick on those that are different. And that will break my heart to see because he will not understand it and he will not understand why they are being mean to him.

So we pray for a miracle and i pray that i can work with him more every day. Because it is all we can do.

We are only human.