Ooh look I posted again

You know in real life i am funny. In my blogs, not so much. I go through and read blogs of other mothers and laugh until i can’t help but pee a little (seriously 3 kids. no bladder control. the fact that all 3 were C-Section does not matter) . Today i was drawn to read the entire blog, archives and all of Wendi Aarons blog, and seriously felt like this is a kindred spirit. I am like this in real life. I have these same thoughts. Ok not really same experiences because that would be weird and stalker like . This in particular made me wish that i could hang out with her for five minutes. I could barely see for the next five minutes i was laughing so hard. My co-workers thought i was having a seizure or going into labour (nope not pregnant, but they all assume that i will get pregnant any day now. Because i am a woman who has been married for 5yrs and has 3 kids. Yeah.) .

I want to know how these mothers here, here, here, and ad infinitum can do it. They are obviously mothers with busy households and yet they along with hundreds of others (have i mentioned my love of Google Reader? Love it!) manage to come across witty and insightful every day and i manage to come across like a bad first date. Every day. I have spent hours (at work not home because my children would tie up the neighbors and loot their houses during the free mommy time) reading back through archives of many of the Mommy Blogs i read, i am not a stalker…really, just to find out more about the blogger and their family.

People i have a managed to SLOW down Google Reader because i have about 2,086 blogs in the reader.
Let me re-iterate, I AM NOT A STALKER.

Merely a mom who NEVER has an adult conversation outside of “Bring home dinner because YOUR son has decided the oven is his new home.” or “IF you don’t stop staring at my screen while i blog I will wrap my phone cord around your neck.” My boss does not find that last statement the least bit amusing, but he still fears my hormones so he lets me be.

So i live through others and take comfort in the fact that i am not the only one who has ever gone through potty training or speech issues or having to unglue my purse from the washer. Which by the way, was my fault, not my son’s.

So repeating again…I am not a stalker. I even on occasion post comments on people’s blogs that come out sounding like i am star struck and unable to form a coherent thought.

Some witty comments:

“You are so funny”

“That sounds fun”

“What a great job your son/daughter has done”

My personal favorite, “Great!”

Boy doncha want to meet me. Want a beige conversation, just come to me.

I could blame it on the fact that i work full time at night and then parent full time until i can shove them off on their father for 3 hours and get interrupted sleep (“Honey, what’s for dinner?”, “Where’s the first aid kit?”, “Are there bandaids in it?”, “How much blood should i be concerned about?”, “What should the kids do after dinner?”) Just a few gems to show that mommy is TRULY appreciated.

But i am not really the same person in my blogs. Weird. I become a literate idiot. I have a master’s degree in English, yet cannot write a sentence that is not full of grammatical errors and comes out sounding like the german side of a How To Grill manual.

Maybe i should start drinking. I have never had a sip of alcohol in my life.

That’s right…never.

That’s how i know all three kids are mine.

Dammit

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One thought on “Ooh look I posted again

  1. If it makes you feel better, that bit at the end about not drinking and knowing all three kids are yours made me spit fancy bubbly water in my lap. Honestly.

    Now I have to go find a napkin. Excuse me.

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