Seriously folks

Ok i am back, no really i am this time. I hope for good. All the doctors and surgeons and hospitals and labs are not a part of my life for now. Ian is doing better, he still has not gained weight, but they have taken enough blood and fluids from him for the last few weeks that it doesn’t surprise me. I have seen him put through so many tests to find out why he is not only throwing up the milk (which we mostly knew the answer to this), but it isn’t digesting correctly. He isn’t on any medication we are just supplementing the nursing with a bottle of high priced formula that will help give him the calories while not being terribly harsh on his tummy and digestive tracts. I know all formulas are, but hey when it is so expensive that even the Walmart doesn’t carry it it should do something extra, right?

Thousands of dollars spent on medical tests and still no further to a conclusive diagnosis. I am less worried than i had been given what he was doing, the vomiting over and over and over. Everything scary has been ruled out.

But i am also drained because having to watch and hold him for the tests has really tested my strength and then going home and being myself for the other two boys has been, well, hard. Really really hard. I am trying to deal with it and I know i have PPD or maybe just baby blues as i in no way want to harm my kids. But i know that i am feeling something out of the normal bounds of hormones. It is hard to hold all of it together.

It will get easier, i know this. It already has. Life is returning to normal. For us that is.

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