Archive | July 2007

I smell

It’s true, i can’t deny it. But in my defense the only days i get to shower are when i have to go to work. On the days that i am off, Tuesdays and Wednesdays, i am the delightful odor of baby vomit and musty sweat. (bet there are a lot of you out there that REALLY can’t wait to meet me now) I could park the kids in front of beloved tv box, but that would only work for one kid, the more responsible of the two toddlers. The other would either let himself out of the house (chain on the door? no problem, i will just squeeze through the gap) or take those moments to construct the worlds messiest painting made from the contents of the frig, which he knows how to work the child lock on.

So i remain showerless from Tuesday until Thursday night. Yumm. It’s very sexy i can tell you.

There was a point in the course of my # 1 son’s life, oh the first 6 weeks that i was terrified that something would happen if i left him to take a shower or left him with my husband that i seriously didn’t bathe. It wasn’t until my husband told me that I was offending the baby with my smell that i took the time to finally shower and wash off the surgical tape remnants from my C-Section. Again sexy.

So here i sit in my own funk.  again yum.

This entry was posted on July 31, 2007. 1 Comment

Ooh look I posted again

You know in real life i am funny. In my blogs, not so much. I go through and read blogs of other mothers and laugh until i can’t help but pee a little (seriously 3 kids. no bladder control. the fact that all 3 were C-Section does not matter) . Today i was drawn to read the entire blog, archives and all of Wendi Aarons blog, and seriously felt like this is a kindred spirit. I am like this in real life. I have these same thoughts. Ok not really same experiences because that would be weird and stalker like . This in particular made me wish that i could hang out with her for five minutes. I could barely see for the next five minutes i was laughing so hard. My co-workers thought i was having a seizure or going into labour (nope not pregnant, but they all assume that i will get pregnant any day now. Because i am a woman who has been married for 5yrs and has 3 kids. Yeah.) .

I want to know how these mothers here, here, here, and ad infinitum can do it. They are obviously mothers with busy households and yet they along with hundreds of others (have i mentioned my love of Google Reader? Love it!) manage to come across witty and insightful every day and i manage to come across like a bad first date. Every day. I have spent hours (at work not home because my children would tie up the neighbors and loot their houses during the free mommy time) reading back through archives of many of the Mommy Blogs i read, i am not a stalker…really, just to find out more about the blogger and their family.

People i have a managed to SLOW down Google Reader because i have about 2,086 blogs in the reader.
Let me re-iterate, I AM NOT A STALKER.

Merely a mom who NEVER has an adult conversation outside of “Bring home dinner because YOUR son has decided the oven is his new home.” or “IF you don’t stop staring at my screen while i blog I will wrap my phone cord around your neck.” My boss does not find that last statement the least bit amusing, but he still fears my hormones so he lets me be.

So i live through others and take comfort in the fact that i am not the only one who has ever gone through potty training or speech issues or having to unglue my purse from the washer. Which by the way, was my fault, not my son’s.

So repeating again…I am not a stalker. I even on occasion post comments on people’s blogs that come out sounding like i am star struck and unable to form a coherent thought.

Some witty comments:

“You are so funny”

“That sounds fun”

“What a great job your son/daughter has done”

My personal favorite, “Great!”

Boy doncha want to meet me. Want a beige conversation, just come to me.

I could blame it on the fact that i work full time at night and then parent full time until i can shove them off on their father for 3 hours and get interrupted sleep (“Honey, what’s for dinner?”, “Where’s the first aid kit?”, “Are there bandaids in it?”, “How much blood should i be concerned about?”, “What should the kids do after dinner?”) Just a few gems to show that mommy is TRULY appreciated.

But i am not really the same person in my blogs. Weird. I become a literate idiot. I have a master’s degree in English, yet cannot write a sentence that is not full of grammatical errors and comes out sounding like the german side of a How To Grill manual.

Maybe i should start drinking. I have never had a sip of alcohol in my life.

That’s right…never.

That’s how i know all three kids are mine.

Dammit

This entry was posted on July 30, 2007. 1 Comment

Team WhyMommy

I am here to give props and support to WhyMommy and her family as they help her win the fight against Inflammatory Breast Cancer. She can beat it i know she can! Attitude and support and love help win many battles and she has ALL three.

So GO TEAM GO TEAM GO WHYMOMMY!!!!!!!!

This entry was posted on July 29, 2007. 1 Comment

Seriously folks

Ok i am back, no really i am this time. I hope for good. All the doctors and surgeons and hospitals and labs are not a part of my life for now. Ian is doing better, he still has not gained weight, but they have taken enough blood and fluids from him for the last few weeks that it doesn’t surprise me. I have seen him put through so many tests to find out why he is not only throwing up the milk (which we mostly knew the answer to this), but it isn’t digesting correctly. He isn’t on any medication we are just supplementing the nursing with a bottle of high priced formula that will help give him the calories while not being terribly harsh on his tummy and digestive tracts. I know all formulas are, but hey when it is so expensive that even the Walmart doesn’t carry it it should do something extra, right?

Thousands of dollars spent on medical tests and still no further to a conclusive diagnosis. I am less worried than i had been given what he was doing, the vomiting over and over and over. Everything scary has been ruled out.

But i am also drained because having to watch and hold him for the tests has really tested my strength and then going home and being myself for the other two boys has been, well, hard. Really really hard. I am trying to deal with it and I know i have PPD or maybe just baby blues as i in no way want to harm my kids. But i know that i am feeling something out of the normal bounds of hormones. It is hard to hold all of it together.

It will get easier, i know this. It already has. Life is returning to normal. For us that is.

So many things

I realize that it has been a while since i have been around and blogging regularly. I apologize for that. *sound of crickets chirping loudly* So many things fill my days. Laughter, tears, anger and more.

Today i read about a fellow mommy blogger (Kate) and her grief. If you have not read it, it is here, but be warned anyone with emotions or children it will cause tears…alot of them.

I don’t know Kate personally and i will never say that i understand her grief or feel her pain because no one ever can. Even if you have lost a child you know somewhat of what she and her family are going through, but everyone is different. Every grief is different. I know this because i have lost in my life and reading (i couldn’t help it i had to read the journey she went on) about her family’s trials i am reminded that my dad has gone through a similar thing in his life. I have gone through life knowing what it feels like to lose a sibling, but not really knowing. I think there is a difference when you spend time with one as they are growing and lose them then when they never get the chance to come home.

Lately with all of the doctors and hospitals that Ian and I have gone to, our own journey together, forging a bond together amid the doctors and surgeons and antiseptic, i am feeling a bit fragile. Emotionally and mentally weary.

Is this what my dad went through? Is this what made him the person he is today? My dad is strong, undeniably the strongest person i have ever met. Not in physical aspects, but in his ability to withstand emotional and mental onslaughts for the longest time. My dad is the glue that holds together my whole family.

When i was seven, my mom had my sister, Cindy. I never knew her, she never came home from the hospital. There was a period of time that my sister and i were looked after by our neighbors while my parents became wards of the N.I.C.U. . My sister and i to this day do not know what was the problem or what really happened. I know that my parents came home and were never the same people. I know that during this time that my sister was here, my mother herself had been ill. Something that she did not feel with the mind numbing grief she was experiencing due to my sister and her sickness. I know that back then things weren’t as they are now in regards to taking care of both mother and infant and that things were overlooked in my mother that could of saved her. I know that shortly after i lost my sister i lost my mother.

I owe it all to grief.

I know that my mother loved my sister and i more than anything in the world. I cannot fathom her grief when Cindy lost her battle with life. I know that it was overwhelming to her and that despite their best efforts the doctors could not save her life. I know as a mother i cannot imagine a world without my children, any of them. I know that a picture was taken of Cindy at her birth and that was the healthiest she looked. I cannot look at the picture, it looks so much like my boys.

I know that my father never recovered from the grief of losing his wife and daughter all in the same month. My sister and i also never really got over it either.

I cannot bring myself to leave Kate a comment because everything i have to say sounds so inadequate and dumb. I want her to know that i do, as a mother, feel for her and her family. I cry for her and for all the mothers that have had a loss. I will never say i understand where she is, but i commend her bravery for putting it out there for all of us to read. She has a tremendous way with words and i ache for what she has lost.

I learned early not to take life for granted. I learned early to be strong. I was never prepared to be a mother though and all the emotions that come with it. I worry constantly, there is never a break, even when they are all safe in their beds. I take up vigil beside them when they are sick and forgo sleep to watch them breath. I am grateful for every breath they pull, laugh they make and tear they cry because they are alive. I silently grieve that my mother is not a part of their lives and that i do not remember much about her to share her with them. I feel small beside them when first J then I spent countless hours in the hospital.

I have found that i am my father’s daughter and i am strong when faced with these trials, but i am human and i do cry. Alot. I ache. I scream. I forget to be nice and yell. I feel guilty. I feel loved.

Mostly lately I just feel.

This entry was posted on July 15, 2007. 1 Comment

Another story

Friday the 13th, really? Eek

Anyway to further continue the trip. Saturday was the birthday party. Everyone had a blast. It was hot and there were a ton of people there. J and D both missed their nap as there was no place for them to take one, i doubt i could of gotten them to take one. They were both extremely tired and overheated by the end of the day. J after several hours outside went in the house and refused to come out. D refused to go in the house at all and just wandered around like a child lost in the desert. After the 3pm mark i don’t think he was very coherent, but no amount of force could get him in the house so he stayed outside with his mom who very much wanted to be inside! Grandmother loved the photo and was so touched by everything, so it was a good day. M got to play washers with his family and basically did that all afternoon while i was in and out with the boys. I know that my role is the babysitter during these trips though. Both boys were so tired, but wouldn’t even sleep in the car when we finally left, it was like they forced themselves to stay up. Crazy!

We had one more night to go as M was going to help with one of his cousin’s home improvement projects. That fell through and we wound up taking the kids to a neighbors in the morning to play of their playsets and then we had dinner with one of his cousins that evening. It was nice not to have to worry about the boys when we were there. She has four boys of her own and the house is pretty childproof with the garage being converted into a big playroom for them. So we were able to have grown up time and dinner, at least until D decided he only wanted to be outside again. At that point he and i were outside while everyone else was inside. Sometimes that kid baffles me. He gets so over heated outside, but never wants to go in. At least he keeps hydrated as both J and D drink water like a fish. Everyone eventually came out except J, who found the whole concept of their movie wall fascinating. You couldn’t tear him away from Flushed Away. He won’t sit through movies at home, but he did here. It was funny to see.

So in all it was a great trip. Plans were made to get together maybe for a fall trip with the above cousin, but i doubt that will happen. Neither one of us have the money for it.

Here are a few more pictures from the party and the morning on the playsets.

765763244_d4d477fb3a2.jpg  We brought the boys bikes as they have a ton of room to ride them

765753536_4429bae7fe_m.jpg  I’m here, bring on the party!

764896641_82d43ad40d_m.jpg  The great washers game

764900105_811e314cef_m.jpg  An action shot. M talks to this cousin more than me on any given day! He is jokingly referred to as our extra spouse.

764901925_3ddfc2fe51_m.jpg  Outside? Nope not going.

764892891_8a656713fc_m.jpg  Inside? Nope not going!

765752148_251a8b5341_m.jpg  I’m good where ever.

764904967_774c158229_m.jpg

765770626_661b714b3b_m.jpg

765772040_20f76ccb09_m.jpg

765771340_e181dfb290_m.jpg   My husband felt the need to photograph the house that is right before the turn into his aunt’s subdivision. It is lime green. Why lime green people?

As promised i will write about what we did during our time in Virginia with M’s family. Nothing much is going on here anyways. With my being back at work, I really don’t remember much during the day.

We arrived in VA Thursday around noon and spent the rest of the day it seems unpacking the van and setting up at M’s aunt’s house. She has a huge house with a level below ground that they converted into a living area. Mostly it is his uncle’s home theatre, but there are other rooms down there, a room for crafts (i am SO jealous there) and one is a bedroom and a bath. Perfect for us as it is mostly soundproof down there. A must with three boys. Because the air conditioner for that level is the same unit as the 1 st floor, it was cold down there so i opted to stay with the baby in a bedroom in the upstairs as it was much warmer. They were holding a birthday party for M’s cousin’s wife so we got to see some of the family before the big party on Saturday. M has a huge family with 13 great grandkids, 8 or nine cousins and spouses, three aunts and uncles, his parents and grandparents. It is insane at family christmas as it is impossible to find a house to hold everyone. I always like it when his family does small gatherings of a few at once because after 5 years i still barely know any of them.

After everyone finished with the party we all went to bed. I was personally exhausted.

On friday we met with one of M’s cousins who has two boys and took the kids to the zoo. It is a smaller zoo, but perfect size for kids under 5 who like animals yet have limited attention spans. You can feed the giraffes, camels, goats, and sheep. J was very shocked to hear a sheep say Baa as he had only heard it on TV, it sounded nothing like that. Then there was a baby goat that escapes and eats the food dropped infront the pens. Very entertaining. There were peacocks that roamed free and even reindeer there that came up to the fence to see you. They stole M’s cousins cup right from her son’s hand! We all had a great time. It was warm and the shade was rapidly going away so we hightailed it out of there for air conditioning. We are such indoorsman! Since later in the day we were meeting with all the cousins, spouses and kids for a big family picture we headed back to the house to get the boys naps so that they would be semi-easygoing for this. I was worried that my boys would be the ones not wanting to cooperate, but they are always intimidated when the family gets together and are normally shocked into complacent boys. Nothing like actual life. M’s parents had come along to the photo place to help with the kids. The picture was a gift for M’s grandmother’s 80th birthday that we were in town to celebrate. She has been blacking out a lot this year and has a heart condition so her wish was to have her family together, all of them for her birthday. We all get together for family christmas, but there is a good chance she won’t make it to that.

The idea was to get a photo of all the great-grandchildren. Then one of the cousins and then one of the cousins, spouses and kids. It was a madhouse. The kids range from 9 years old to 2 months and are all boys. Now being that my boys were now possessed by pod children it seems, they went where they were told and sat down and didn’t cry. Where was this when J had his school pictures? Then two of the kids started melting down and D decided that nope, I’m not having any part of that and walked over to stand with us. J sat there like he was made of stone until we told to get up as the organizers finally decided that that picture was not happening. So they decided just to do the big group photo. A feat all in itself because we took up the entire space and there was practically no air in there. I would comment on how the guy taking the photos had it set to the wrong room and every time it snapped the flash went off next door (he did that EVERY time we set up for pictures) until someone pointed it out. So we got those taken. Then there was a photo with just cousins and spouses, no kids and then individual families could get their family portraits done if they wanted. M’s sister did hers and the we did ours. It has always been a dream of M’s for us to get a family photo done in his beloved redskins jerseys. So we all got one and the photo turned out great. Then he took a photo with two of his closet male cousins and their jerseys.

By this time the boys were surviving just on the granola bars and fruit snacks i had brought since the pictures took place during dinner. It was 6:35pm and people all wanted to go out to eat. Fine and dandy but we had 132 pictures to go through and decided on the best ones for each. *sigh* After 45minutes, the pictures were decided then the talks about pricing and sheets and blah blah blah started. The boys were being good, but were tired and hungry so i opted to go to the restaurant were one of the spouses was holding a table (he left before we started looking at the photos) and got the kids something to eat. M stayed to pay and decide on our photo package. Finally he got there and the photo place stayed open late processing everything and we were able to pick up our photos on the way home. We all pretty much crashed once we got to the house.

Here are some zoo photos as M has put any of the group stuff on the web. I doubt he will. Some of his family act like they are part of the witness protection plan when it comes to our posting photos with them in it.

765763244_d4d477fb3a1.jpg The beginning

765747334_54f6b982ec_m.jpg Look daddy, Sea Turtles!

764853255_a7593d7169_m1.jpg No fence can hold me, i can get to those animals.

765729758_9f1adc4573_m.jpg What am i looking at Daddy?

765739272_c453f2596d_m.jpg Hey that’s my cup!

764871375_bad238b639_m.jpg I’m here too!

765743180_238679bdf5_m.jpg I still look pregnant. It is just sad at this point.