One of the things that often becomes a concern for me is how to balance being so pregnant and taking some care of myself while tending to my boys needs. Often times my boys’ needs come first as they are the loudest about voicing what they need. Being 23 months apart, they are at different areas of development and need different things from me. J goes to preschool three days a week, which really helps me out in that area. I feel like some of his needs are being met through the preschool program. This allows me to focus on D three days a week as to what he needs in terms of development.
While we feel that we have made the right choice in not putting our children in day care, sometimes i wonder if it wouldn’t be easier on us? Of course in some ways it would be. I would be able to get sleep during the day and our kids would get the stimulation they need. Then again would they? As i am sure befalls many parents, the daycare facilities in our area are overpriced, too full and not up to what we want for our kids. There really is no way to find a day care that can fulfill all of your needs, realistically. You have a huge list of what you want this provider to give your child, but in theory you are asking them to be a parent to your child because that is what you want for them. They will never meet all of your requirements because you are always looking for a reason that they are not suitable to watch your child. This is not saying anything negative against day care providers, I certainly would never be able to handle that many children without resorting to drinking and having my tubes tied. I am merely saying that a lot of women who need to go back to work after having a baby are looking for a way to stay home with their child because they cannot find someone up to par to care for them.
For us we simply did not want someone else witnessing our child’s first milestones and becoming the “third” parent to our children. We are fortunate enough to work for a company that is in operation 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. The only issue there is that we can wind up working major holidays as it is required and no one can have them off every year. That is a price we are willing to pay to make it work that we have one parent home raising our kids at any given time.
This also puts a strain on our relationship. With working two different shifts and focusing on raising the kids there is no time to work on issues that may develop between us. We got married and pregnant relatively fast, not planned, but nonetheless something that happened. We didn’t get a lot of time to learn things about each other that would of been very helpful when this time came around. The main issue is always communication, especially when it comes to raising the boys. We aren’t far off in our goals and decisions in regards to the boy, however we don’t articulate it very well.
I am home with the boys most of the day and therefore i make a lot of decisions regarding their health, education and whatnot often without asking M his opinion on the matter. Mainly because i feel that i am doing all the research and leg work for it and i am the most informed in regards to the outcome. I do ask M’s input on most things, but maybe not to the extent i need to.
The boys are happy, thriving in an environment in which they have one or both parents with them at all times. They are well adjusted and do well in groups or with other kids. We have a fabulous neighborhood and they have a lot of friends to play with. They are learning new things every day and seem to be doing well. They may watch a little more tv than the average day care child, but they are not addicted to tv and will willingly turn it off to go play outside or in the other room.
I feel that we made the right decision for our boys in keeping them home and raising them. For me i would of been unable to let someone else see all the first’s that they have had through the last years. No one would of been good enough for them. Which leads me to wonder about other parents that aren’t in our position. How difficult is it for them to find someone to take their place during the day?