Today in the land

of insanity behold what did we see? Well J went around saying “No D”, “Stop it!” & “D”. D couldn’t make a move without hearing that phrase uttered about his every move. Now granted D is normally the one to make the majority of messes, set something on fire, break a major appliance and generally climb on tables only to fall off and do it again. So when i wonder where J picked this up from i only had to look at myself, because i think that may be the extent of the conversation i have with D during the day. Poor kid.

Today was M’s time to watch the boys while mommy caught up on her daily 3 hours of sleep that she lives on. So when night time rolled around really i shouldn’t of been surprised at what i found. Yet i always am.

First i come downstairs to hear J go “Uh-oh Mommy!”. To which i assume means head’s up we are all about to be in trouble! M starts frantically throwing toys in the direction of the two toy boxes lined up on the wall while J and D both coming running over with looks of relief on their face. Actually M’s face mirrored relief as well. Too bad this doesn’t mean i get a higher level of appreciation. While we clean up the toy explosion to the sounds of some VERY LOUD sport on the TV and i found the volume for said sport (at this point it is unnecessary as we are all suffering from a profound ringing that only comes from listening to something too loud or a Metallica concert), the boys proceeded to fight for rights to climb Mt. Mommy. At which point i notice an odor. A very distinct odor that i swear i will forever have in my memory long after we are out of the diaper phase. Someone was dirty, and not a little dirty, a full fledge invasion of poop that i was about to be the winner of. Of course, M has no idea that one of them is dirty he doesn’t smell anything. This from the man that walked to into the house hours before and asked why it smelled like we were all smoking. So i proceed to isolate the source. J was adamant that it wasn’t him so that left the little one and i knew i was correct by the look on his face. That mixture of delight, uncomfortable-ness and relief that FINALLY someone was going to fix this work of art that he created lord only know how long ago.

I get everything ready to change him, proceed to pull down the pants and literally want to throw up and murder M at the same time. His sweatpants had kept the mess in (thank you HANES!) and he was a poop capsule. Somewhere in there was a diaper, but it had long since ceased to work. A mountain of wipes would of been ineffective against this. So i ran up to the tub with D in arms and clean him under the bath water. He thought this was great, i was personally a little green. *much like the water in the tub now

Why is it that men think that bodily functions in children cease to exist during their time with them? I know he can change a diaper, I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. Or is it that he knows the horror in those pants and is just not willing to deal with it? Whatever it is, when ever he is the only parent with the boys i swear i have to right on the schedule, check diaper, change diaper. Lord knows getting J potty trained is hard enough without M not helping out in the get comfortable in your dirty diaper times. It is so frustrating to me, but maybe that is just because i have the super sniffer and am able to detect the slightest smell that someone needs to be changes or flung at high velosity onto the potty. I don’t know, but he had better have those toys cleaned up before i get downstairs or i swear there is no hell like a very pregnant, grossed out womans’ fury.

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