In the Beginning

When DH and i first got married we had grand expectations of the travelling we would do, things we would try together and the time we would take to get to know each other before having a baby. *insert laughter here* We didn’t date for very long, probably 2 weeks before we got engaged and then were married less than 9 months later. Hey we were older than most, don’t judge! I wasn’t getting any younger and the men were not getting any cooler. I had reached my dating peak and was tired of playing the games. M was the same. He is a good guy and once the kids grow up I will get to know him better!

We were on the pill like half the nation and apparently together our hormones override the pill because three months after the wedding we were pregnant with J. I was positive that i would have a girl. I mean everyone in my family had two girls, but M’s genes proved to be stronger and we had a boy making it 10 grandsons in his family. I had an uneventful first pregnancy. I still worked the night shift and spent every minute not at work in a coma. J was a big baby 9lb, 8 oz and since i enjoy not peeing when i laugh he was born by C-Section. Ok that’s not the real reason because at the time i was adament that i was having this kid the old fashion way (definitely with the drugs). So my doctor being the sport and character that he is said “Ok then. Start the induction”. We started at 8pm and by 8 am they could of surgically removed my head if it meant i would dilate more than 3 damn centimeters! No doing, but my doctor already knew that, man that he is. Then to further his case he sidled up to me while i was in the throws of pain that i never want to know again and said you know that 5lbs of this kid is head, right?

“Take him out NOW!” Cut me or blow me up I don’t care just drug me and get it over with. Miracle of childbirth my ass, i wanted the miracle of pharmaceutical technology and i wanted it now. Ok i seriously wouldn’t of taken anything if it would hurt the baby, I mean i never took anything during the whole pregnancy but the vitamins and avoided everything like it would cause my child great harm. But ladies, pain like that cannot be forewarned and to this day I would wish it on M so that he would appreciate what i go through a little bit more.

When we brought J home, i literally didn’t sleep for the whole first year. Not J’s fault because we were blessed with a baby practically the size of a toddler that ate like a linebacker and slept for hours on end. Ok there was a time frame when i thought i would murder something if he didn’t stop crying but he was soon found to have reflux and since he would hold the acid in instead of spitting we spent three miserable weeks looking for relief (i was looking for ear plugs and tranquilizers) until it was suggested that we admit him to the hospita and a simple test later we had an answer and blessed relief. Ok the fact that reflux medicine is not covered by insurance is not relief, but within a week we had a happy and sleepy baby.

I was the most paranoid mother i knew. Granted i had no one to call for advice or friends with kids to pester so i might have taken the whole motherhood thing a tad too far. M would come home and i would screech that his breathing was waking up J, who would be knocked out like a prize fighter. M took a lot of crap during that time and it is a wonder he didn’t off me and bury me in the back yard. I wouldn’t blame him.

When i went back to work, married for love not money obviously, i was a wreck. I cried and was convinced that J would die in the first night. I left M a book that i had written of things to do for the baby at night, when seriously the kid slept 8 to 9 hours at 6 weeks. I refused to sleep literally until i got pregnant with D and then forget it my body said, you are going to sleep if i have to shut down without you.

So that is in a nut shell the beginning of what could be described as my road to crazy.

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