Archive | February 2007

Proof

Ok bear with me because i am totally not great at posting pictures to WordPress. I miss blogger where i can edit the pic size before posting it. I am still getting the hang of wordpress right now. Obviously as you can see, i suck at it.

This is to show that housework really does happen in my house.

Just not by me. ­čÖé

Swiffer MasterCheesy Swiffer Master

Just because the other one can’t stand to be left out. J doesn’t do any housework he just discovers new uses for things around the house.

Not a table a step

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Today in the land

of insanity behold what did we see? Well J went around saying “No D”, “Stop it!” & “D”. D couldn’t make a move without hearing that phrase uttered about his every move. Now granted D is normally the one to make the majority of messes, set something on fire, break a major appliance and generally climb on tables only to fall off and do it again. So when i wonder where J picked this up from i only had to look at myself, because i think that may be the extent of the conversation i have with D during the day. Poor kid.

Today was M’s time to watch the boys while mommy caught up on her daily 3 hours of sleep that she lives on. So when night time rolled around really i shouldn’t of been surprised at what i found. Yet i always am.

First i come downstairs to hear J go “Uh-oh Mommy!”. To which i assume means head’s up we are all about to be in trouble! M starts frantically throwing toys in the direction of the two toy boxes lined up on the wall while J and D both coming running over with looks of relief on their face. Actually M’s face mirrored relief as well. Too bad this doesn’t mean i get a higher level of appreciation. While we clean up the toy explosion to the sounds of some VERY LOUD sport on the TV and i found the volume for said sport (at this point it is unnecessary as we are all suffering from a profound ringing that only comes from listening to something too loud or a Metallica concert), the boys proceeded to fight for rights to climb Mt. Mommy. At which point i notice an odor. A very distinct odor that i swear i will forever have in my memory long after we are out of the diaper phase. Someone was dirty, and not a little dirty, a full fledge invasion of poop that i was about to be the winner of. Of course, M has no idea that one of them is dirty he doesn’t smell anything. This from the man that walked to into the house hours before and asked why it smelled like we were all smoking. So i proceed to isolate the source. J was adamant that it wasn’t him so that left the little one and i knew i was correct by the look on his face. That mixture of delight, uncomfortable-ness and relief that FINALLY someone was going to fix this work of art that he created lord only know how long ago.

I get everything ready to change him, proceed to pull down the pants and literally want to throw up and murder M at the same time. His sweatpants had kept the mess in (thank you HANES!) and he was a poop capsule. Somewhere in there was a diaper, but it had long since ceased to work. A mountain of wipes would of been ineffective against this. So i ran up to the tub with D in arms and clean him under the bath water. He thought this was great, i was personally a little green. *much like the water in the tub now

Why is it that men think that bodily functions in children cease to exist during their time with them? I know he can change a diaper, I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. Or is it that he knows the horror in those pants and is just not willing to deal with it? Whatever it is, when ever he is the only parent with the boys i swear i have to right on the schedule, check diaper, change diaper. Lord knows getting J potty trained is hard enough without M not helping out in the get comfortable in your dirty diaper times. It is so frustrating to me, but maybe that is just because i have the super sniffer and am able to detect the slightest smell that someone needs to be changes or flung at high velosity onto the potty. I don’t know, but he had better have those toys cleaned up before i get downstairs or i swear there is no hell like a very pregnant, grossed out womans’ fury.

This entry was posted on February 27, 2007. 1 Comment

I spend way too much.

I know this. M knows this. So why the desire to change me? I work full time and we (for the sake of not getting divorce in record time) keep our finances separate. It never fails though as i am sucked into the super Wally Mart for a few simple items i leave with a cart and a half worth of things because well i wanted them and my boys indicated a passing desire as well. I swear D’s interest in toys is equivalent to a gnat’s life span. J’s, however, it infinitely longer. Especially if it was either intended for D or involves an animal in any way. This is why he carried around a box of Always with wings around the entire store. I was unaware of how enthralling that stupid dove like symbol could be. In any case, i love buying things for the boys and i am aware that we are not made of money and that yes we do not have access to a money tree. I just can’t help it. Just like i cannot help that i stock our pantry like we are about to be in the middle of a grocery store strike and will be unable to purchase food at all for the next 6 months. It is really not my fault that the pantry shelves scream mercy everytime they see me coming from the store. I believe that all homes need 12 cans of chopped tomatoes even though i am the only one that eats them. Not to mention 4 bags of 8-cup capacity shredded cheese.

It has been very warm here lately and this has caused both boys to go into hyper-active drive. The need to go outside is immediate. The minute that they wake up they are at the door trying to pick the lock like pros and go out to freedom. Once out there, however, the task is left to mommy to decide what fun things can we do? I believe that once they step through the door all imaginative powers are sucked from their heads and any ideas they had are gone as they stare in a stupor at me for direction. “Look boys it is 6:30 in the morning, i am in my pajamas, it is not warm out yet and i have no clue what you want to do. How about we all go in and watch the Wiggles?” And back in we march until it is warm enough out to warrant mommy getting dressed. I might even brush my hair.

Slowly…

I am slowly getting the hang of this WordPress thing. As you can see i have managed to at least include photos of my kids in this to customize it a bit. I do miss how blogger lets you change the dates of your posts. If wordpress does that, i have no clue as to where that option is.

I want this journal to be different from my other one, Pharlap Wonders, in the sense that i not only cover what my kids have done to me during the day, but other topics that are either brought up in the news or other blogs that i read. Trust me anyone who has come over to this journal from my blog knows that i have a few blogs that i keep up with (1050 and counting!). It is any wonder that i can manage to keep the kids alive and work a full time job. But let me just clue you in, one Google Reader is my friend, while not all of the blogs have feeds over 900 do and that helps out a lot. Then i am a speed reader and as long as i don’t miss, say a month on the internet i keep up easily. Oh and i work at night, so no i am not neglecting the kids to read blogs although i will confess that the thought has crossed my mind.

I also have no clue how to add things other than those provided by WordPress to the side bar. As soon as i figure it out , there will be a list of the characters for you to refer to while reading this. But for now, J is my oldest and D is my youngest. I am married to M and he has a gaggle of family that will provide plenty of fodder for future posts. Especially around the holidays when i am forced to visit and stay with them in a house the size of my living room.

For now be patient with me while i work through my ability to grasp WordPress technology.

Ha! I figured the timestamp thing out. It only took 3 hours.

In the Beginning

When DH and i first got married we had grand expectations of the travelling we would do, things we would try together and the time we would take to get to know each other before having a baby. *insert laughter here* We didn’t date for very long, probably 2 weeks before we got engaged and then were married less than 9 months later. Hey we were older than most, don’t judge! I wasn’t getting any younger and the men were not getting any cooler. I had reached my dating peak and was tired of playing the games. M was the same. He is a good guy and once the kids grow up I will get to know him better!

We were on the pill like half the nation and apparently together our hormones override the pill because three months after the wedding we were pregnant with J. I was positive that i would have a girl. I mean everyone in my family had two girls, but M’s genes proved to be stronger and we had a boy making it 10 grandsons in his family. I had an uneventful first pregnancy. I still worked the night shift and spent every minute not at work in a coma. J was a big baby 9lb, 8 oz and since i enjoy not peeing when i laugh he was born by C-Section. Ok that’s not the real reason because at the time i was adament that i was having this kid the old fashion way (definitely with the drugs). So my doctor being the sport and character that he is said “Ok then. Start the induction”. We started at 8pm and by 8 am they could of surgically removed my head if it meant i would dilate more than 3 damn centimeters! No doing, but my doctor already knew that, man that he is. Then to further his case he sidled up to me while i was in the throws of pain that i never want to know again and said you know that 5lbs of this kid is head, right?

“Take him out NOW!” Cut me or blow me up I don’t care just drug me and get it over with. Miracle of childbirth my ass, i wanted the miracle of pharmaceutical technology and i wanted it now. Ok i seriously wouldn’t of taken anything if it would hurt the baby, I mean i never took anything during the whole pregnancy but the vitamins and avoided everything like it would cause my child great harm. But ladies, pain like that cannot be forewarned and to this day I would wish it on M so that he would appreciate what i go through a little bit more.

When we brought J home, i literally didn’t sleep for the whole first year. Not J’s fault because we were blessed with a baby practically the size of a toddler that ate like a linebacker and slept for hours on end. Ok there was a time frame when i thought i would murder something if he didn’t stop crying but he was soon found to have reflux and since he would hold the acid in instead of spitting we spent three miserable weeks looking for relief (i was looking for ear plugs and tranquilizers) until it was suggested that we admit him to the hospita and a simple test later we had an answer and blessed relief. Ok the fact that reflux medicine is not covered by insurance is not relief, but within a week we had a happy and sleepy baby.

I was the most paranoid mother i knew. Granted i had no one to call for advice or friends with kids to pester so i might have taken the whole motherhood thing a tad too far. M would come home and i would screech that his breathing was waking up J, who would be knocked out like a prize fighter. M took a lot of crap during that time and it is a wonder he didn’t off me and bury me in the back yard. I wouldn’t blame him.

When i went back to work, married for love not money obviously, i was a wreck. I cried and was convinced that J would die in the first night. I left M a book that i had written of things to do for the baby at night, when seriously the kid slept 8 to 9 hours at 6 weeks. I refused to sleep literally until i got pregnant with D and then forget it my body said, you are going to sleep if i have to shut down without you.

So that is in a nut shell the beginning of what could be described as my road to crazy.

Welcome!

This is the obligatory post in which i introduce myself to you and annouce why I am writing this blog. I mean i am aware that now the whole world will be able to see my life for the cheerio infested mess that it is. I don’t mind if it hasn’t offended the neighbors yet then it should be ok here on the internet. Be warned though at times it isn’t pretty (most of the time) and very often there will be TMI (too much information, for the internet challenged, don’t worry i am in that category as well.).

I am a 32 year old mother of a 3.5 year old (referred in all following posts as J) and a 1.5 year old (referred to as D in the following posts), also i am 7.5 months pregnant with our third boy. I am have been married to DH for four and a half years and am ready for when the honeymoon is supposed to start. I work full time for a company that probably wouldn’t want to be attached by name to this blog and i work the night shift because i have lost ALL of my marbles (actually because we chose to live in a house rather than a box and put the kids in daycare). Somedays the box looks good folks.

Throughout the blog I will bore you with other details in my life so no need to do so right away. I mean we have forever, right? Well as long as my ability to type exists, that is.

So welcome to Motherhood folks, it truly made my butt bigger!